So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
