i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
