So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently you make a good broom.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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