i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
