What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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