1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
