that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
