stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
