I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
