ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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