After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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