Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
