I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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