it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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