I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
