I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
