I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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