he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
