Who wears a wallet chain?!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
