Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
