I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
