apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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