I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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