I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
