Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
