The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
