found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
