If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
