I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
