You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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