i barfeds in our rink
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
