worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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