You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
