I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
