get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
