I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
