we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
