i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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