I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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