Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
