I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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