I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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