my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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