Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
