I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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