There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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