My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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