I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do herpes really smell.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
