he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
