I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
